I want to take a moment to get away from the my battle with quitting smoking to talk about something that you wont hear me admit very often. For the past couple of weeks I have been having a recurring dream, and I'm not quite sure what sort of message I am supposed to take from it, but one thing is true, I want to be a father.
They have been some of the happiest dreams I've had in a while. They are always the same but not. In each dream, I have a young son, and in each dream we are always doing the normal things a father and son would do. Playing and laughing, happiness had by all. Amongst my son's laughs and giggles I hear him say my name "Doey!" because as he hasn't been speaking long, can pronounce every letter correctly. It's always just me and him, in each of my dreams, without a fear in the world, enjoying every moment as it comes.
There is nothing more I want in the world than to have a son, maybe except to be able to ensure his safety and happiness. Which is why I feel like I never can have a son of my own. I would give anything for the chance to adopt a child and give him a home, or even to have one of my own by some process, but will I be able to keep him from having a hard life? Whether I have a partner or not, regardless, hes going to have a gay father, if not two. I don't want him to have to deal with hardships like the torment he could take from others for who his father is, but I also wouldn't want him to have to lie to his friends or never be able to bring anyone around.
I might be wrong, as acceptance is growing and life is becoming easier for people who are different, but time will only tell. I can't help but long for a child of my own. Boy or girl, my child will be loved and always have someone around.
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