Unsentimental Elements An Original by Sam LeFleur

I wish the wind would stop

And the current to still.

I need a footing and I can’t place my feet

I can only weather so long

Before there is nothing but silt

Maybe a piece of me will break away

And sit on the shore

Safe from the winds and currents

That keep my happiness at bay

On that shore of pebbles

My footing strong

I just might hear, the words to my song.

Snap. Crackle. Pop. An Original by Sam LeFleur

Snap.
Crackle.
Pop.

Snap.
Kicks and punches land
Bones splinter and break

Crackle.
Gas spills and the odor burns the air
Match sparks and skin and hair sizzles

Pop.
Mouth opens and air escapes
Final gasp, broken sound, life slips away

Snap.
Crackle.
Pop.

Love It or Leave It

Last call rings, you’ve had two beers and are ready to go home, and fall into bed and have sweet dreams of anything and everything, so you get in your car, turn on the key, defrost your windows and head on home.  Uneventful, starless night takes you 5 minutes from home, the last stop light between you, a pair of sweat pants, and your bed.  The light turns green, and you crawl into the intersection only to be startled by a flash of lights, almost from heaven itself.

A few minutes, an hour, who knows how much time passes but you finally come to, still in your car, but somehow hanging from the driver side, looking down, only held in by the seat belt.  You look down the ground is sprinkled with a confetti of glass.  You can feel something happening, you just aren’t sure what, and know that it isn’t good.

The only thing you are able to get to is your phone, and even that is a stretch but you manage to grasp it in your numb fingertips and pull up the contacts.  If this was the last phone call you could ever make, who would it be to?  Considering the next five minutes of your life are your last, dial that phone to say goodbye…

I have a short list of people who I am sure would care when I passed.  My final phone call, if I am granted that luxury would certainly be to my mother.  She has always been the light of my life, and while not always supportive of who I am, has always loved the core of WHO I am.  Not everyone has that one person they could call.  I am thankful for having that one person. 

I know this post is sappy and disgustingly sentimental, but I have been trying to whittle out people in my life that I don’t value with complete devotion.  I have got to thinking about every single person that has touched my life somehow, and the truth is, if I wouldn’t think to call you to say goodbye, I am most likely not going to bother calling to say hello either.   There are people out there who I value as best friends, and who will always be there for me.  A couple people from high school, maybe a few from college and work, but lets face it, life is about quality, not quantity.  

Even though my facebook might beg to differ, I am not a friend glutton and will be making these changes to my life very soon.  I will no longer be prancing around, dancing on my tippy toes so as not to annoy, or push away someone.  I am my own person, love it, or leave it.  My life won’t go on forever, so I will live it how I please.  Thank you for boring yourself with my ramblings; this is something I’ve had to get off my chest for some time now.  May the reconstruction commence.

Thinking....Is Simply Not Enough....

There are a lot of us that live extraordinarily comfortable lives.  Some of us get no such luxury.  In our world we live with excess and security most of the time, especially if we have the best circumstances.  I have been lucky.  I grew up in a financially secure environment in predominantly white neighborhoods with little to no violence.  Not everyone is so lucky, especially if they are different.

Truthfully I have had a good life.  Lately I have been reading about a string of homophobic attacks that have maimed and scarred people.  Like the attacks on the men that resulted in them being set on fire for being gay right here in the United States.  I have also seen a video of a nameless man in an unknown African country, beat in the street and set on fire.  Events like this upset me, even make me cry.  It breaks my heart to see what another human being is capable of doing to another human being under the guise of morality and motivated by hate.  I just can’t help but think about it.  At times it keeps me up at night to see what the world is coming to. 

But thinking is not enough.  If you are reading this it is probably because you are one of my close friends, a follower of my twitter or Facebook pages, and know me personally.  Now take a moment to picture me being set on fire.  Picture me being repeatedly kicked and punched.  Listen as you hear my ribs break, my gasping for air, unable to even cry out for help.  Now picture doing nothing to stop it.  Stand there and watch as my body is being shattered.  Do you feel anything?  Truth is every victim of hate crimes has at least one friend or family member out there.   What do you think they feel when they visit him or her in the hospital after being beat within an inch of their lives? 

Sometimes I wish I could be beat within an inch of my life so I can truly feel what its like to feel pain.  All too often I think about how horrible my life is, how meaningless it is in the grand scheme of things, how badly it sucks.  I forget that it could be a whole lot worse.  Maybe being lynched would snap me out of my lethargy of self-loathing and give me something to believe and fight for. 

I think too much about these people and what they have gone through, but as I already said, thinking just isn’t enough.  It’s time to fight.

Untitled, An Original by Sam LeFleur

Sad desire from atop a weathered spire
wishes and dreams unfilled
the only company is a lonely echo
love and hope is killed
upon the spire top
only fear prevails
because anyone else
even in a world of rainbows and love
could crush it in a moment
and choke the beauty
even from a dove
above the pain and desperation

What's Next?, An Original by Sam LeFleur

Time to hide my pride and walk inside.
a prison with no windows
and nowhere to hide.
deliver me from hell,
deliver me from tears,
show me another side.
without my wildest fears.


What's a soul to do, 
that just can't find it's cue?
and spend the days wandering
and kicking the morning dew.
send me hope,
take my fear.
make me smile when I cried.

You've Been Poked by Fate....

So I am reviving my blog to discuss a topic that weighs very heavily on my mind.  That happens to be the POKE button on Facebook.  If you are on Facebook, it is already blatantly obvious that you need some sort of human connection.  I have one, and not only do I have very little impulse control, but I also have a touch of OCD along with a little bit of neediness, which combined is a very deadly combination. 

Now I delve into my predicament.  When you poke me, I can’t help but poke back, and it drives me nuts!  How does one get poked and not poke back I will never comprehend.  So when someone I shouldn’t be talking to, i.e. an ex or someone that never returns my texts, pokes me, I am driven to poke them back.  I think this is because of my need for attention and love.  Maybe it’s because I am single, and have been for so long that I need this attention.  “At least they are poking me.”  So where is the love, and why don’t I have any self-love?

I blame it on multiple things, first being Facebook itself.  It has gotten to the point where so much information is being sent about a single person, and multiply that by the amount of friends you have and there you go, TMI!  Yes, I agree, I am blaming my own short comings on a website that has redefined human interaction as we know it.  But I think society in general is to blame.  We all have an unspoken list of rules that we all follow, and the poke button, doesn’t apply to any of that.  It can mean ANYTHING!  It can mean sex, thinking of you, playfulness, friendship, etc.  It is its own grey area, so it doesn’t apply to any of these rules.  It is okay to poke an ex, because it easily doesn’t have to mean anything, or it can mean everything.  Poke away at your college professors!  Because it could simply mean you are working on a paper or assignment.  Or poke your boss, because secretly you could be plotting their demise, but seems as though you are just being friendly. 

I’m not really sure where I’m going with all of this, I simply wanted to think through the poke button, and see what other people thought on the subject.  Sorry for the ramble, I hope I can post something more meaningful in the near future, as I would like to get more active with my blog.  Who knows, someday people might actually want to read my random thoughts?

Southern Decadence and Beyond

So for the longest time I have had goals for myself, which I haven't taken as seriously as I should.  I have lost 100 pounds and cut down on my smoking dramatically, but here's the thing, I could easily lose another 100 pounds and quit smoking completely.  Instead of waiting around for my life to fall into place is time for my place to come to life.  It might be easy to say "tomorrow" but it's even easier to say "next week" or "the new year" so here is the thing, from here on out I am going to do the following, start taking my weight loss seriously again, quit smoking gradually, and save up money for my own place.  I need to throw off that safety blanket and look around at the world to finally notice what is going on.  Here's to NOW.

Survival of the Survivors, An Original By Sam LeFleur

Everyday I wake up

Is a new gift

And everyday you don't

Is another

What I remember of you

Is your smile

And your new freedom within

Is freedom from your tears

Your joy remains

Your pain is over

Your love is remembered

Your faults are long forgotten

My survival

Is from my loss

My life

Is built on my memories of you