What's Next?, An Original by Sam LeFleur

Time to hide my pride and walk inside.
a prison with no windows
and nowhere to hide.
deliver me from hell,
deliver me from tears,
show me another side.
without my wildest fears.


What's a soul to do, 
that just can't find it's cue?
and spend the days wandering
and kicking the morning dew.
send me hope,
take my fear.
make me smile when I cried.

You've Been Poked by Fate....

So I am reviving my blog to discuss a topic that weighs very heavily on my mind.  That happens to be the POKE button on Facebook.  If you are on Facebook, it is already blatantly obvious that you need some sort of human connection.  I have one, and not only do I have very little impulse control, but I also have a touch of OCD along with a little bit of neediness, which combined is a very deadly combination. 

Now I delve into my predicament.  When you poke me, I can’t help but poke back, and it drives me nuts!  How does one get poked and not poke back I will never comprehend.  So when someone I shouldn’t be talking to, i.e. an ex or someone that never returns my texts, pokes me, I am driven to poke them back.  I think this is because of my need for attention and love.  Maybe it’s because I am single, and have been for so long that I need this attention.  “At least they are poking me.”  So where is the love, and why don’t I have any self-love?

I blame it on multiple things, first being Facebook itself.  It has gotten to the point where so much information is being sent about a single person, and multiply that by the amount of friends you have and there you go, TMI!  Yes, I agree, I am blaming my own short comings on a website that has redefined human interaction as we know it.  But I think society in general is to blame.  We all have an unspoken list of rules that we all follow, and the poke button, doesn’t apply to any of that.  It can mean ANYTHING!  It can mean sex, thinking of you, playfulness, friendship, etc.  It is its own grey area, so it doesn’t apply to any of these rules.  It is okay to poke an ex, because it easily doesn’t have to mean anything, or it can mean everything.  Poke away at your college professors!  Because it could simply mean you are working on a paper or assignment.  Or poke your boss, because secretly you could be plotting their demise, but seems as though you are just being friendly. 

I’m not really sure where I’m going with all of this, I simply wanted to think through the poke button, and see what other people thought on the subject.  Sorry for the ramble, I hope I can post something more meaningful in the near future, as I would like to get more active with my blog.  Who knows, someday people might actually want to read my random thoughts?

Southern Decadence and Beyond

So for the longest time I have had goals for myself, which I haven't taken as seriously as I should.  I have lost 100 pounds and cut down on my smoking dramatically, but here's the thing, I could easily lose another 100 pounds and quit smoking completely.  Instead of waiting around for my life to fall into place is time for my place to come to life.  It might be easy to say "tomorrow" but it's even easier to say "next week" or "the new year" so here is the thing, from here on out I am going to do the following, start taking my weight loss seriously again, quit smoking gradually, and save up money for my own place.  I need to throw off that safety blanket and look around at the world to finally notice what is going on.  Here's to NOW.

Survival of the Survivors, An Original By Sam LeFleur

Everyday I wake up

Is a new gift

And everyday you don't

Is another

What I remember of you

Is your smile

And your new freedom within

Is freedom from your tears

Your joy remains

Your pain is over

Your love is remembered

Your faults are long forgotten

My survival

Is from my loss

My life

Is built on my memories of you

A Long Time Gone, A Lot of Wisdom Gained

So I know that I have been gone a while, but that is because I was trying to find my muse. I had nothing to say, but lately I’ve been inspired.

With Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’s demise, the topic of self-hating gays has been on my mind. You know, the type that are gay, but don’t feel like they have a right to flaunt who they are however they want to be. These are the ones that caused so many gay youths in the recent past to seek to end their lives. They make it okay to be ashamed of who you are.

I thought I wouldn’t post this update on my facebook. However I don’t give a damn. You might be okay with it, and you might not. DEAL WITH IT.

They say it’s okay to hide yourself, even from those you are most intimate with. Your family. Your friends. Your community. But I will hear no more of this. How are you supposed to concecrate your bonds with these people, if they think you are something you aren’t?

Therefore, damaging you more than them. This is something you have to deal with. The real question here is, how far are you willing to lie to yourself? If you’re queer, whatever, YOU’RE still here! Kick them out of your life! Kick them to the curb! But ultimately youre helping them be a stronger person for themselves! Someone really important to me lost their entire family, and had to forge a new one out of the ashes of his heart. This shouldn’t have to happen.

I want nothing more than to bring home the other half of my heart to my family. And sometimes, “it’s just a bad time,” really translates to, “I’m just too afraid.” Whoever starts a relationship with, “I only want to lie to you,” is not in a relationship at all. Honesty is an essential part of daily human interraction. How else will you truly forge a utopian, diverse society?

Well my normal thought turned into words and a soap box, but this is something dear to my heart. It is something I have struggled with, and it is something I have over come. Be proud of who you are, gay, straight, mortally disfigured. You are how god/bacteria formed you to be. We arent here from nothing, but who says it has to be a hateful and mighty invisible guy, in the sky?

Been Quiet For a While

I know it has been a while since I have posted anything, and for that I do apologize to my 0 readers. However I promise I will post something of substance very soon, I promise! I have had quite the journey over these past few months traveling and looking for love. If anything for once I can say that I am happy with my life overall. From time to time I have moments of weakness where I want nothing but to cry and let loose my pain, but I don't have much to complain about as my life is pretty good at the moment. I am getting better at telling myself that it gets better. I just have to persevere and find my niche in life, doing something that makes me truly happy. It seems I am taking a giant leap of faith by discarding my hold ups. It's time for me to take my life into my own hands and head straight into the future following my morals and convictions, and to those of you that are along for the ride, get ready for something great. I work in a coffee shop making very little money, but I am not suffocating behind a desk. I am in a good place to finally move forward. All Aboard!

Reaching For Something, An Original By Sam LeFleur

They think I'm crazy
For reaching for the stars.
My arms aren't long,
And I'm not very tall,
But still I reach
For the secrets they hold
And questions they answer.
They still think I've lost it
They just don't realize,
They are the stars
For which I reach.